On Fear

In Jeff's comment on my refusal to set goals which required jumping out of perfectly good aircraft, he came up with a plausible and essentially possible goal of overcoming my fear of heights. Unfortunately, I misspoke (miss-wrote?) when I said that I had a fear of heights. If I truly had a fear of heights, the goal of "overcoming my fear" might be a good one.

But in reality, I learned in my youth, that my fear is not actually one of heights (acrophobia) but one of falling (bathophobia = fear of falling from a high place). You (and Jeff) may say, "so what." The goal of overcoming the fear is still a good one. You may even argue that overcoming one's fears is a noble goal, a good goal. But, I wonder.

When we discuss our talents and abilities, our gifts and riches - we quickly (and rightly) give credit to God for these. So, the question is, do only the obvious good things come from God? or do all of our natural traits come from Him? Perhaps the fear of falling is a gift from God as much as other gifts are. Perhaps it's God's way of keeping me from doing something ridiculous, like jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft, bungee jumping, or leaning periously over the edge of a tall building.

Recently, a small business owner in our neighborhood tragically died at a young age (he was around my age) from simply working (as I'm sure he did every year) on the vent system of his Dairy Queen. The vent was on the roof. He fell, struck his head, and summarily died.

My fear of falling doesn't keep me from climbing a ladder, or even working on the chimney of my two story house. What it does keep me from doing is working on it if there is ice on the roof, or doing it in a haphazard manner. I do it VERY carefully and with a healthy respect for the unstoppable power of gravity. Fear is not a bad thing...it has kept the human species alive in the face of danger for centuries.

Fear is not to be overcome, it is to be respected and managed. It is to be used to make us stronger. Fear makes us weary and careful. Facing our fears makes us stronger. Overcoming it though? I would propose that we should never seek to "overcome" our fears, but to instead leverage them. Facing your fears and not letting them overcome you is the definition of courage. Having no fear is the definition of insanity.

As always, your comments are welcome.

A Birthday Wish

So, how did I get the idea to pray daily for a year? Well, for Kristine's birthday a year or two ago (memory is the first thing to go!) I got a brilliant idea. I needed a gift for my loving bride...so I thought, hey! I'll offer her what the candle extinguishing thing is all about. I'd grant her a wish. Any wish that was within my ability to bestow. I thought long and hard about the level of risk this entailed. What if she asked for a million dollars? A new house? A new car? Then of course, my bride - who most people underestimate, thought of something a little harder to deliver. She asked me to pray daily for a year...the Rosary or the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

I'll admit, I took the easier of the two. But, I also added to the Chaplet, praying for a myriad of people...so that I do more than 5 decades. Currently I'm up to 12. So, not only did I deliver on my gift, but I feel I am becoming a better person. Of course, my wife knew what she was doing! She's sneaky like that!

I've been fascinated with the concept of "praying constantly" which Paul (the Saintly one) put forth...and am still wondering how to do that. Hmmm. Sounds like another Goal! I'll have to add that to my list. So, her birthday wish has helped me in more ways than one. And for that I thank her. I owe her many thanks, for many things. Not the least of which is her companionship and love, our children, and our home. I've learned (from the experience) that the best way to deal with people who I am angry at or dislike, is to pray for them. Earnestly to pray for them. It totally changes my outlook. So, I don't think I'll stop my daily chaplet any time soon...hopefully I'll do it until I can't any longer. So, the goal on my list is real, but one I "know" I can accomplish. I've already done it once...

This is not a cop-out, goals are, in my opinion designed for making us better. They should be things we want to achieve. Some are stretch goals and therefore require sacrifice to accomplish. Others just require dedication or discipline. We shouldn't judge goals on their level of difficulty but on the value of the return if they are achieved. Oh, and to ensure we don't "cheat" or cop-out, goals should not be things that are accomplished as a normal consequence of living. I believe all of the goals I have on my list to-date fit the criteria offered. So, within the post about each goal's attainment, as they happen, I will include what I believe the benefits / results are.

Comments, as always, are welcome.

Edited List of

50 Things To Do

1. Draw "Stations" (art) (started over 10 years ago...)
2. Help Irv get published (family)
3. Fully Clean my room (family)
4. Help Kristopher develop a life plan (strategic plan) (family)
5. Help Alyssa develop a life plan (strategic plan) (family)
6. Visit Family (family)
7. Visit Benji and Pinky (friends)
8. Get to and maintain 160 lbs max (physical health) (started...calorie counting, eating carefully, exercising)
9. Keep to Strength Training program for 6 consecutive months (physical health)
10. Stick to exercise program for 6 consecutive months (physical health) (need to design one first)
11. Eat at least 1 piece of fruit daily for 90 consecutive days (physical health) (started about a week ago...going well - been tracking in ipod app - "Lose It")
12. Pray daily for another 365 consecutive days (spiritual health) (started Dec 26th)
13. Try Yoga (physical health) (the wii I bought should help!)
14. Read the Bible - cover to cover (spiritual health) (will be second time around...)
15. Lower cholesterol within healthy range (physical health) (may be accomplished through eating changes)
16. Get body fat % to healthy range (physical health) (may be accomplished through eating changes)
17. Donate 1 million grains of rice through freerice.com (mental health) (plan to start today Dec 27th 09...Started Jan 3rd. If I do it for 500 days, I will have to donate 2,000 a day)
18. Take class on sign language (mental health)
19. Read two books on Albert Einstein - because one just won't be enough (mental health)
20. Read "Numbers" book (mental health) (started, need to finish)
21. Try a martial art (physical health)
22. Learn a full Tai Chi form (physical health)
23. Fast for a week – combined with praying fervently (spiritual health) (Lent 2010 should be a good time)
24. Research (find likely opportunities) for teaching in Michigan (job)
25. Participate in seminar business (job)
26. Get five authors in the fold for K4K Books (project)
27. Publish at least 10 standards through CEITPS (project)
28. Make St. Mark Youth Group viable - have at least 10 active members (church) (working already)
29. Sell all stuff (to be sold) in room on Ebay (misc) (began Dec 26th, 2009)
30. Mentor / Coach four people (misc) (two down, two to go)
31. Put out a chess club website for Niles Comm Library club (misc)
32. Become a 3 point shooting threat in basketball (sports)
33. Get published - book (writing) (book should be out Dec 31st...more to come - still waiting!)
34. Get published in a mainstream magazine (writing)
35. Get published for a solo writing effort (writing)
36. Finish a publishable novel (writing)
37. Research Live Action Role Playing (and if legal / feasible) participate in one (misc)
38. Complete 100/100 club for 100 days (physical health) (done in past, need to do again)
39. Take 1,000,000 steps in 100 days (physical health) (have pedometer, will travel - Started Jan 1st)
40. NEED 11 More

Time to Invite My Friends

So, I've embarked on this revelation (as my brother aptly calls it). But I need to invite my friends to participate in my revelation, and my life. Spending 20 years in the Air Force and traveling around the US, I found it easy to make friends and hard to maintain contact with them. Through work, chess, and sports I made many friends and more acquaintances. But then we'd move (or they'd move) and I'd find myself losing touch with them. I miss my friends. I miss their honest advice, their empathy, and their camaraderie. So, I've decided in the season of Advent, this season of (eagerly) waiting to search out my friends and invite them to reengage with me via this blog. Hopefully by Easter, a season of renewal and new life, I will have found most of them.

I wonder why and how my relationships could have slipped away so easily. Part of it I believe is my family's fault. My wife, my son, and daughter provided me with so much love that it was easier to lose track of mere friends :-) Perhaps it was that we, as a race (human), are extremely adaptable. While I find it nearly impossible to forgive myself my sins and stop remembering my transgressions - I find it equally impossible to dwell on the good in my past. Hmmm. That will deserve a post of its own. Perhaps it's just my senility? I suffer from CRS as my dad used to say. It's a favorite of my family to tease that they can do or say anything because I'll forget it in an hour. I highly suspect my wife has been re-gifting things each year - gifts I received the year before and then she gives to me again - because I can't remember that I already had it.

Enough rambling (and foreshadowing future posts). It's time to email my friends - the one's I have emails for - and invite them to participate!

Perhaps they can help me once again. I'm still short the 50 items...

50 Things To Do

So, my brother inspired me to create a list of things to do before I turn 50. Seeing as how I have more than a year (actually I have 18 months), I'm trying to plan aggressively and realistically. I haven't even settled on the 50 things...I'm trying to get the list right. Perhaps the first thing on the list should be to create the list? As you will notice, I don't have 50 things yet. Here is my first shot...

1. Draw "Stations" (art)
2. Help Irv get published (family)
3. Fully Clean my room (family)
4. Help Kristopher get started (family) - Needs Work
5. Help Alyssa get started (family) - Needs Work
6. Visit Family (family)
7. Visit Benji and Pinky (friends)
8. Get to and maintain 160 lbs max (health)
9. Keep to Strength Training program for 6 consecutive months (health)
10. Stick to exercise program for 6 consecutive months (health)
11. Eat at least 1 piece of fruit daily for 90 consecutive days (health)
12. Pray daily for another 365 consecutive days (health)
13. Try Yoga (health)
14. Read the Bible - cover to cover (health)
15. Lower cholesterol within healthy range (health)
16. Get body fat % to healthy range (health)
17. Read dictionary cover to cover (health)
18. Take class on sign language (health)
19. Read two books on Albert Einstein (health)
20. Read "Numbers" book (health)
21. Try a martial art (health)
22. Learn a full Tai Chi form (health)
23. Research (find likely opportunities) for teaching in Michigan (job)
24. Participate in seminar business (job)
25. Get five authors in the fold for K4K Books (project)
26. Publish at least 10 standards through CEITPS (project)
27. Make St. Mark Youth Group viable - have at least 10 active members (church)
28. Sell all stuff (to be sold) in room on Ebay (misc)
29. Mentor / Coach four people (misc)
30. Put out a chess club website for Niles Comm Library club (misc)
31. Become a 3 point shooting threat in basketball (sports)
32. Get published - book (writing)
33. Get published in a mainstream magazine (writing)
34. Get published for a solo writing effort (writing)
35. Finish a publishable novel (writing)

Looking for ideas for 15 more!

The Beginning of the Beginning

I have an official blog I use for the more mundane thoughts, discussions, and information around Organizational Improvement (www.organizational-improvement.com), but felt I needed a place to deal with the chaotic musings which bounce around the four walls of my head. Hopefully this will be the place. Feel free to weigh in, provide advice, provide encouragement, or just watch from a distance.