Smile!

"Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be. " — Eleanor Roosevelt

Gotta’ love Eleanor.

I find this to be true…how you feel, what happens to you, and your happiness can all be controlled by you. Yes, controlled. I hear all the time (in my metrics work) that “we don’t have control” over this or that.”

I don’t buy it.

We may not be able to orchestrate and control external events, like catastrophes (the earthquake that hit Haiti) or small events like snow falling. But…we have total control over how we react to them. How we choose to deal with the things that come our way. Granted, it would take the greatest Zen master to deal well with much of what is happening in our world…but the point is, we CAN do it…it’s just difficult.

So, lately, I’m having a great life. My book is published and I’m playing with ways to get the word out. I founded a consortium for IT Standards – you can call me “Mr. President.” Our youth group is growing – from 4 to 5 and hopefully many more. We have two beautiful young children (3 and 4 yrs old) and our older children are doing well. My older daughter is once again on the Dean’s list and is excelling in her art. Life in general is good.

Of course, life could be bad. Haiti. Struggles with our newest family member (4 years of non-Kristine upbringing to overcome). Sickness (Kristine, Molly and Grace). Deaths of friends. Economics (bills and unexpected expenses).

What do you choose to dwell on? I find dealing with my own mind the most difficult part of staying away from sin. Can I choose to focus on the good and not dwell on the bad? Can I keep from being distracted from my God, family, and friends? Can I avoid the addictions of sin?
Tough things…but what great rewards for success! A happier existence!

Back to quotes. I find it amazing how we become the “owners” of words – or phrases. Shakespeare may be the greatest person when it comes to sheer volume of quotes, but that may be misleading. Most of his quotes are from his plays…not actually quotes from his conversations or speeches. I am currently reading my two books on Einstein (as per my goals) and one of them is “The New Quotable Einstein” by Alice Calaprice. It is interesting to see how small snippets of speech can carry such value and weight. Part of it is the source – the fact that Albert Einstein (AE) said it, makes it more weighty. As I believe any quote of a heroine would have on us. Part of it is the wisdom in the quote.

I don’t find every quote valuable…I pick and choose. I highlight the ones I find meaningful…the ones that touch me. They are tools for helping me focus my energies. They keep me from getting distracted. They also are really cool to put on the bottoms of emails or to quote at the right time in a conversation or debate. It’s nice to be able to call on AE or Eleanor or Magic Johnson when needed for support of our position. Of course (Saint) Paul, (Saint) Peter, Mary, Jesus, and God (“People see God every day, they just don’t recognize Him” – Pearl Bailey) are great sources for quotes too. If you want to totally kiss up to your boss – quote him/her. “Mimicry is the greatest form of flattery” (unknown).

Check out some favorite quote generators (in no particular order):

• Eleanor Roosevelt
• Albert Einstein
• Pearl Bailey
• Yogi Bera
• Mae West
• Aristotle
• Plato
• Saints (Augustine, Paul, Peter, Mary, etc.)
• Jesus / God (use quotes from Bible)
• Martin Luther King
• Padre Pio
• Fr. Hesburgh
• Mother Teresa
  

Look up any of your personal heroes/heroines. http://www.100000quotes.com/categories/Miscellaneous this is just one of thousands of websites dedicated to quotes of famous (and not so famous) people. The internet makes this exercise extremely easy.

So, to end – “Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to.” Author Unknown

• Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• A smile confuses an approaching frown. ~Author Unknown
• People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile. ~Lee Mildon
• Start every day with a smile and get it over with. ~W.C. Fields
• Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available. ~Jim Beggs
• A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~Charles Gordy (I’d change that to, “A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.”)
• Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator
• If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~Andy Rooney
• If you smile at someone, they might smile back. ~Author Unknown
• Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ~Author Unknown
• Everyone smiles in the same language. ~Author Unknown
• If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine. ~Author Unknown
• I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. ~Author Unknown
• Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~George Eliot
• The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ~Author Unknown
• Wear a smile - one size fits all. ~Author Unknown
• Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day. ~Author Unknown
• Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa
• Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~Charles Reade
• A smile is the universal welcome. ~Max Eastman
• Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. ~Janet Lane
• All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile. ~Chris Hart
• If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile. ~Author Unknown
• Smile - it increases your face value. ~Author Unknown
• Peace begins with a smile. ~Mother Teresa
• A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. ~Author Unknown

OK…now to really end I’ll quote a favorite, “Too much of a good thing is wonderful.” (Mae West)

Over Consumption

My metabolism has slowed over the last few years, and accordingly I’ve changed my eating habits. I no longer eat a whole pizza at one sitting. I’m working on not over consuming. I’ve also been working lately on my caloric intake, trying to lose a few pounds that I feel are more than I need. It’s been very interesting using Lose It an iPhone app to do so. What I find interesting is the focus it gives on your eating when you have to write (or input) everything down. While I haven’t lost those pounds yet, I have gained a new appreciation for the task of journaling – or tracking.

Another area I suffer over consumption in is tasks. I can think of a few others in my life that also suffer from this. Let me give you an example – here is what I am “involved” in, and the frequency

• Chess club (twice monthly)
• Lector Director (twice monthly + periodic crisis management)
• Liturgy Committee (monthly + tasks from it)
• Parish Council (monthly + tasks from it)
• Lector (monthly)
• Eucharistic Minister (monthly)
• Sunday School Teacher (weekly)
• Youth Group Ministry ( twice monthly)
• Parish Web Administrator (weekly)
• K4K Books (http://www.k4kbooks.com/) (weekly)
• Organizational Development Blog (http://www.organizational-improvement.com/) (every other month)
• Why Organizations Struggle So Hard to Improve So Little – our book (weekly)
• Writing a book on Metrics (monthly)
• Rewriting a novel (periodically)
• Consortium for the Establishment of IT Performance Standards (http://www.ceitps.org/) (daily)
• Life Coaching (4-5 individuals, weekly)
  

That’s off the top of my head…I’m probably missing a few. The point is when I look at this list, it doesn’t include the “Golf Balls” in my life…the big things….my wife, my son, my daughters, my mom, brothers, or sister. It does include my church, but not my spirit.

I got this from my brother's blog:

The mayonnaise jar and the coffee: When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life."

The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

I can’t find an author. It was sent as one of those “share it with a friend” emails.

My list of tasks above includes some of my passions – but not all of them. There are many things that I am not doing that I would like to. Those are reflected in my goal list. So, the point is…when we write these all down, we give it focus. We see where we spend out precious time. Are we spending it on the golf balls, pebbles, or the sand? Are we suffering from over consumption of sand and pebbles?

#33 is achieved!

Yes, I know. I'm still short 11 goals, but hey! I have to start working them now! I'm working on the Freerice donations (thanks Scott), and the CEITPS standards. But, hey! I have one down and 49 to go!

When I got home today, I was very happy to find a box in my place. Right size. From the right place. I cut off the straps, removed the tape, and opened the box to find my 7 free copies of my very first published book - "Why Organizations Struggle So Hard To Improve So Little: Overcoming Organizational Immaturity." Have to say I was a little proud to finally have our book in my hands. Of course, my lovely bride brought me back to Earth with her non-committal, unimpressed, "hmph." Thanks dear.

As my co-author has said more than once, it's really nice to have your work validated - to have someone (some company) think enough of your work to pay for it. And our publisher is, in the academic world, well known and respected. Even better!

So, if you want a copy, they should now be available. You can check out our website at http://www.org-immaturity.com and pick where you want to buy it. From the publisher directly, through Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. You can also request your local book seller order you a copy.

No, I don't have any to sell. That's the other great benefit (other than validation and status) of being published - you don't have a trunk full of copies you have to sell.

I can do a full post on what I've learned about publishing - especially from starting K4K books...but that's for another time. Right now I'm basking in the happiness of having the book finally available to the public!

I'm going to sleep (it's late for old people like me) with a smile on my face.

On Fear

In Jeff's comment on my refusal to set goals which required jumping out of perfectly good aircraft, he came up with a plausible and essentially possible goal of overcoming my fear of heights. Unfortunately, I misspoke (miss-wrote?) when I said that I had a fear of heights. If I truly had a fear of heights, the goal of "overcoming my fear" might be a good one.

But in reality, I learned in my youth, that my fear is not actually one of heights (acrophobia) but one of falling (bathophobia = fear of falling from a high place). You (and Jeff) may say, "so what." The goal of overcoming the fear is still a good one. You may even argue that overcoming one's fears is a noble goal, a good goal. But, I wonder.

When we discuss our talents and abilities, our gifts and riches - we quickly (and rightly) give credit to God for these. So, the question is, do only the obvious good things come from God? or do all of our natural traits come from Him? Perhaps the fear of falling is a gift from God as much as other gifts are. Perhaps it's God's way of keeping me from doing something ridiculous, like jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft, bungee jumping, or leaning periously over the edge of a tall building.

Recently, a small business owner in our neighborhood tragically died at a young age (he was around my age) from simply working (as I'm sure he did every year) on the vent system of his Dairy Queen. The vent was on the roof. He fell, struck his head, and summarily died.

My fear of falling doesn't keep me from climbing a ladder, or even working on the chimney of my two story house. What it does keep me from doing is working on it if there is ice on the roof, or doing it in a haphazard manner. I do it VERY carefully and with a healthy respect for the unstoppable power of gravity. Fear is not a bad thing...it has kept the human species alive in the face of danger for centuries.

Fear is not to be overcome, it is to be respected and managed. It is to be used to make us stronger. Fear makes us weary and careful. Facing our fears makes us stronger. Overcoming it though? I would propose that we should never seek to "overcome" our fears, but to instead leverage them. Facing your fears and not letting them overcome you is the definition of courage. Having no fear is the definition of insanity.

As always, your comments are welcome.

A Birthday Wish

So, how did I get the idea to pray daily for a year? Well, for Kristine's birthday a year or two ago (memory is the first thing to go!) I got a brilliant idea. I needed a gift for my loving bride...so I thought, hey! I'll offer her what the candle extinguishing thing is all about. I'd grant her a wish. Any wish that was within my ability to bestow. I thought long and hard about the level of risk this entailed. What if she asked for a million dollars? A new house? A new car? Then of course, my bride - who most people underestimate, thought of something a little harder to deliver. She asked me to pray daily for a year...the Rosary or the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

I'll admit, I took the easier of the two. But, I also added to the Chaplet, praying for a myriad of people...so that I do more than 5 decades. Currently I'm up to 12. So, not only did I deliver on my gift, but I feel I am becoming a better person. Of course, my wife knew what she was doing! She's sneaky like that!

I've been fascinated with the concept of "praying constantly" which Paul (the Saintly one) put forth...and am still wondering how to do that. Hmmm. Sounds like another Goal! I'll have to add that to my list. So, her birthday wish has helped me in more ways than one. And for that I thank her. I owe her many thanks, for many things. Not the least of which is her companionship and love, our children, and our home. I've learned (from the experience) that the best way to deal with people who I am angry at or dislike, is to pray for them. Earnestly to pray for them. It totally changes my outlook. So, I don't think I'll stop my daily chaplet any time soon...hopefully I'll do it until I can't any longer. So, the goal on my list is real, but one I "know" I can accomplish. I've already done it once...

This is not a cop-out, goals are, in my opinion designed for making us better. They should be things we want to achieve. Some are stretch goals and therefore require sacrifice to accomplish. Others just require dedication or discipline. We shouldn't judge goals on their level of difficulty but on the value of the return if they are achieved. Oh, and to ensure we don't "cheat" or cop-out, goals should not be things that are accomplished as a normal consequence of living. I believe all of the goals I have on my list to-date fit the criteria offered. So, within the post about each goal's attainment, as they happen, I will include what I believe the benefits / results are.

Comments, as always, are welcome.

Edited List of

50 Things To Do

1. Draw "Stations" (art) (started over 10 years ago...)
2. Help Irv get published (family)
3. Fully Clean my room (family)
4. Help Kristopher develop a life plan (strategic plan) (family)
5. Help Alyssa develop a life plan (strategic plan) (family)
6. Visit Family (family)
7. Visit Benji and Pinky (friends)
8. Get to and maintain 160 lbs max (physical health) (started...calorie counting, eating carefully, exercising)
9. Keep to Strength Training program for 6 consecutive months (physical health)
10. Stick to exercise program for 6 consecutive months (physical health) (need to design one first)
11. Eat at least 1 piece of fruit daily for 90 consecutive days (physical health) (started about a week ago...going well - been tracking in ipod app - "Lose It")
12. Pray daily for another 365 consecutive days (spiritual health) (started Dec 26th)
13. Try Yoga (physical health) (the wii I bought should help!)
14. Read the Bible - cover to cover (spiritual health) (will be second time around...)
15. Lower cholesterol within healthy range (physical health) (may be accomplished through eating changes)
16. Get body fat % to healthy range (physical health) (may be accomplished through eating changes)
17. Donate 1 million grains of rice through freerice.com (mental health) (plan to start today Dec 27th 09...Started Jan 3rd. If I do it for 500 days, I will have to donate 2,000 a day)
18. Take class on sign language (mental health)
19. Read two books on Albert Einstein - because one just won't be enough (mental health)
20. Read "Numbers" book (mental health) (started, need to finish)
21. Try a martial art (physical health)
22. Learn a full Tai Chi form (physical health)
23. Fast for a week – combined with praying fervently (spiritual health) (Lent 2010 should be a good time)
24. Research (find likely opportunities) for teaching in Michigan (job)
25. Participate in seminar business (job)
26. Get five authors in the fold for K4K Books (project)
27. Publish at least 10 standards through CEITPS (project)
28. Make St. Mark Youth Group viable - have at least 10 active members (church) (working already)
29. Sell all stuff (to be sold) in room on Ebay (misc) (began Dec 26th, 2009)
30. Mentor / Coach four people (misc) (two down, two to go)
31. Put out a chess club website for Niles Comm Library club (misc)
32. Become a 3 point shooting threat in basketball (sports)
33. Get published - book (writing) (book should be out Dec 31st...more to come - still waiting!)
34. Get published in a mainstream magazine (writing)
35. Get published for a solo writing effort (writing)
36. Finish a publishable novel (writing)
37. Research Live Action Role Playing (and if legal / feasible) participate in one (misc)
38. Complete 100/100 club for 100 days (physical health) (done in past, need to do again)
39. Take 1,000,000 steps in 100 days (physical health) (have pedometer, will travel - Started Jan 1st)
40. NEED 11 More

Time to Invite My Friends

So, I've embarked on this revelation (as my brother aptly calls it). But I need to invite my friends to participate in my revelation, and my life. Spending 20 years in the Air Force and traveling around the US, I found it easy to make friends and hard to maintain contact with them. Through work, chess, and sports I made many friends and more acquaintances. But then we'd move (or they'd move) and I'd find myself losing touch with them. I miss my friends. I miss their honest advice, their empathy, and their camaraderie. So, I've decided in the season of Advent, this season of (eagerly) waiting to search out my friends and invite them to reengage with me via this blog. Hopefully by Easter, a season of renewal and new life, I will have found most of them.

I wonder why and how my relationships could have slipped away so easily. Part of it I believe is my family's fault. My wife, my son, and daughter provided me with so much love that it was easier to lose track of mere friends :-) Perhaps it was that we, as a race (human), are extremely adaptable. While I find it nearly impossible to forgive myself my sins and stop remembering my transgressions - I find it equally impossible to dwell on the good in my past. Hmmm. That will deserve a post of its own. Perhaps it's just my senility? I suffer from CRS as my dad used to say. It's a favorite of my family to tease that they can do or say anything because I'll forget it in an hour. I highly suspect my wife has been re-gifting things each year - gifts I received the year before and then she gives to me again - because I can't remember that I already had it.

Enough rambling (and foreshadowing future posts). It's time to email my friends - the one's I have emails for - and invite them to participate!

Perhaps they can help me once again. I'm still short the 50 items...