The Man In The Mirror

Perception is Reality

A common saying in the Air Force.

Our self-perceptions may be the best example of this. It doesn’t matter what others think of us, not in the long run. The only thing that matters (and perhaps it should be this way) is how we see ourselves. Oh, trust me, I know we give a lot of weight to the perceptions of others. Way too much in most cases. In fact, many times we are haunted by the words or actions of those we love. But even in the case of acquaintances and even enemies – we give too much power to the perceptions of others. We let their critique of us cause pain. We let it drive us to drastic measures. Peer pressure, bullying, teasing, and public humiliation are powerful weapons – weapons borne of the level of importance we put on what others say and do!

So, I don’t mean to make light of the power of perceptions of others. But, I’m here to tell you – those perceptions only bite, hurt, rend, and tear because we give them the power to do so. Because we lack a healthy and strong set of self-perceptions, we bow to the inputs from others. Others who have no advanced degree in psychology, no true understanding of the experiences we’ve lived, and no better grasp on their own lives than we have on ours. Even Jesus seemed to care - when confronted with the opinions of others, he asked Peter, "Who do you say I am?" The key though is that He wasn't asking so that He'd know, He was asking as a precursor to a lesson...as a means of seeing if His followers were paying attention. If THEIR perceptions were right, not to find out who He was! He knew, and only He knew for sure (well Him and His father and mother...).

It is NOT others' perceptions which matter – it’s only our own. Unfortunately, we allow their perceptions to taint our own. We listen, believe, and accept their assessment of us although they are poorly equipped to evaluate our lives.

I remember a movie (not the title) in which creatures lamented the poor design of the human body – frail, unprotected, nerve endings close to the soft and unarmored surface. Besides these vulnerabilities, God also gave us a mind and soul very susceptible to pain and damage. It’s almost as if God made us highly vulnerable so that we would have to become strong to survive. We have had to cultivate our physiques, our minds, and our souls to defeat the plethora of threats – natural and man-made to our own survival.

So, it is our self-perceptions which matter. How we judge ourselves. The only one who knows us as well as we know ourselves is God. He is the only one who can share the grief, joy, needs, and wants we have. He is the only one that TRULY knows us…other than ourselves. So, only our own assessment ultimately matters. We have to take responsibility for our actions, our words, even our thoughts. We have to take full responsibility for who we are and who we are to become.

Mirrors.

Lately I’m fascinated in mirrors. I can’t remember the last time I looked in one? I mean, I know I look at one when I brush my teeth, when I shave. But, I don’t really look. When I do (like when I run past a mirrored store front window – see previous post), I’m usually unhappily shocked at what I see. I see an older guy…a near-50 year old. I see a bigger, heavier, older person. Who is this? The image does NOT match my self-perception, my self-picture. The same thing happens with my voice. The rare occasion when I hear my taped voice played back, I wonder – who is that? I know the physiological and physical reasons for my voice sounding different, but what is the reason for me not recognizing the man in the mirror? Why do I think I’m younger? Slimmer? Less wrinkled? Why do I have such misconceptions of how I look (and sound) to others? I get tons of critiques – too aggressive, too loud, too sure, too pushy, too this and too that. It’s nice that with all my flaws, people feel comfortable sharing their opinions of me!

So, if I’m right, and only our self-perception really matters in the end (of course that perception is flavored by inputs from our environment – including others’ opinions) – then what does that say about the obvious disconnect between what I see in the mirror and what I perceive to be true?

Hmmm.

In any case, I believe. I believe in the power of our self-perception. I believe in the power of having a Vision. I believe any ONE of us can change the world. I believe that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt). I believe “if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change” (Michael Jackson).

So, who do you say that you are?

One-A-Days

OK, so I am flawed. In many ways. One glaring flaw I am trying to combat is a lack of self-discipline when it comes to doing things that are good for me, but are not fun. Like eating proper meals. Or eating vegetables. Or NOT eating candy, sweets, or ice cream. The one that bothers me the most though is my natural ability to avoid exercise.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m active. For a 49 year old, I’m even spry! I play sports (fun), I’ll take on a challenge in a heartbeat (fun). I coach volleyball (fun). But, to lift weights, do push-ups, or go for a run is akin to pulling teeth.

Now the paradox (which I believe most of us non-exercise junkies share) is that when I DO exercise, I like it! I like the results. I feel like I’ve accomplished something. I feel healthier. But, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why, with all of these positive reinforcements, I still couldn’t keep to an exercise program!

One day, a little bit ago, I happened upon the answer.

While exercise has positive effects and makes me feel good (and glad I did it), it’s still NOT FUN. So, simple…but the answer eluded me for years. And, to be honest, I can’t think of a way to make it fun! I’ve subconsciously tried. I found a coworker who suffers from the same aversion to regular workouts, and challenged him to a competition. That worked for a few months until one of us won (yes, one of us simultaneously lost). And then, it was over.

So, with my goals (which include maintaining an exercise program) flush in my face, I have decided to find a way! My latest plan of attack is One-A-Days.

In “Fit for Eternal Life” by Kevin Vost (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1933184310/), I learned about a quick, easy, and impressive weight lifting regimen. The core of the program is the use of weight machines (to ensure good form), doing only 5 or so exercises, doing only ONE set, no more than 8-12 reps, and do them to FAILURE. So, the only hard part is learning how much weight to use in each exercise so that you can’t do more than twelve, but can do at least 8. As you get stronger, and can do more than 12 reps, you add weight. With only five exercises, and therefore only five sets, and no more than 12 reps…you can do the full workout in less than 20 minutes. This is also timed because each rep follows a rule for so many seconds for push and the pull parts. It’s actually pretty neat. I recommend it to anyone looking to build body mass, get in shape by using weights, and is on a tight schedule.

I did that one for about 2 months before I lost the rhythm and then stopped.

I actually hope to do it again…but this time I plan to sneak up on it with One-A-Days.

So, here’s my idea. And before you tell me how lame I am, let me give this disclaimer – If you have trouble sticking to (or starting) an exercise program, this may work for you. If you’re an exercise machine, then yes, this will seem lame.

One-A-Days is a simple – EACH day I have to do at least ONE exercise, one set, to FAILURE. That means, any exercise (weights, aerobic, or anaerobic) non-stop until I can’t do even one more. Pushups? You’ll find out how many you can do in one set. Max it out. Sit-ups? To Failure. Bench Press? To Failure. Leg raises? To failure. Squats, curls, triceps pull downs, or Lunges? TO FAILURE. If you choose to lift weights, like Vost teaches, try to find the right amount of weight so you fail between 8 and 12 reps. But, hey, if you end up doing 30…that’s fine. Just do it to FAILURE.

Now, you may have guessed that it helps to log/track all of this. So, you know what exercises you’ve done, what weights are optimal, and what parts of the body you’ve worked. The good news for me, is that I actually like the part of the exercise program where I collect, track, plot, and analyze the data. What can I say? I’m a metrics geek.

One BIG warning. If you choose to do Free Weights (not on a machine) and you choose an exercise where you can’t drop the weights (like bench press) YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SPOTTER. Since by definition you will NOT be able to put the bar back…since you’re doing it to failure!

Another benefit of One-A-Days is that it’s easy to mix up the exercises and not get bored. If you don’t have access to weights, do pushups. If you don’t have a lot of time…use weights. Just make sure you do at least ONE each day! So far I’ve done 6 days in a row. I plan to maintain it for 90 days! If I can make it a habit (30 days), hopefully I can do it for life.

If I get it to be a habit, and I feel daring, I may move to Two-A-Days! And after that the skies the limit! Well, actually, three is the limit. I figure, every book I’ve read, says that your body needs rest, and they all suggest taking a day off. So, I figure some exercises you can do every day (like core – ab work for example), and I should be able to do Three-A-Days safely.

OR when I get One-A-Days to be a habit, instead of Two-A-Days, perhaps I’ll do the Fit For Eternal Life program for a month at a pop.

Regardless…if I can reach the goal of doing One-A-Days every day, I’ll be better off for it. BTW, I tried this with prayer (as the fulfillment of my wife’s birthday gift wish) and it worked great. I started with five decades of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and I found myself adding people to pray for….and now I say 13 a day. I’ve maintained this for over a year…so I know it’s possible.

Wish me luck!

P.S. Some of you don't have Gmail and therefore can't post comments (or at least that's what I'm told). Feel free to send me a comment for posting via email, and I will post if for you.

Seeking Wisdom

Colleges and Universities are places of advanced learning and thought. Notre Dame is special in that it is also a place where you can discuss religion regularly. I very often find myself in spirited discussions with co-workers and friends on almost any topic. One of the most fascinating things about the discussions (for me) is that my protagonist can be anyone from a fellow information technology worker, to an administrative assistant, to the dean of a college or a tenured senior professor.

While a friend (a professor of science) and I were about to part ways after a short walk– him to his classroom and I to my office, I spied a baby rabbit (yes, a “bunny”).

It was looking for food in the shade of two buildings on campus. After remarking on how well fed this little bunny was, my friend shared his hatred for all rabbits. It seemed that, especially during the spring, his dog (a Beagle) would bark incessantly at rabbits which traversed his yard in search of food.

We entered an honest if not totally sincere argument. My learned colleague argued that he hated the rabbits and blamed them for the headaches caused by the Beagle’s barking.

I argued for the furry creatures – it was the dog my friend should despise not the rabbit.

In the middle of our debate, my boss’ boss’ boss showed up. I enlisted his wise council to settle the argument. Pointing to the bunny, I summarized our discussion. To this modern day Solomon I posed the question – so, who is to blame for the barking? The Dog or the Bunny?

Without pause he adjudicated with wisdom and a smile. Neither. It is the dog’s owner who is to blame.

My friend of course objected, to which our judge simply asked, “did you not know that Beagle’s are high strung dogs, prone to bark at everything and anything?” My friend actually smiled and acquiesced.

I learned that my leader had actually experienced something which profoundly suited him to be our arbiter that day. His son had wanted a dog. Being a teaching parent, my boss told him to do research and determine the right type of dog to get. This lead to excluding Beagles and other breeds because of their temperaments. It also eliminated other breeds. His son found out that mix breeds can be a good choice as in many cases the negative traits many of each independent breed are eschewed in the mix. He not only learned about the different tendencies, personalities and temperaments of the breeds and mixed breeds but he also learned how to perform a “puppy test” to tell if a puppy would be trainable and a good pet. After all of the research, his son chose wisely and they are still happy today with the choice. His son was only 10 at the time.

I was heartened by the story – I realized there was hope for my friend (who is past 50) yet…