The Man In The Mirror

Perception is Reality

A common saying in the Air Force.

Our self-perceptions may be the best example of this. It doesn’t matter what others think of us, not in the long run. The only thing that matters (and perhaps it should be this way) is how we see ourselves. Oh, trust me, I know we give a lot of weight to the perceptions of others. Way too much in most cases. In fact, many times we are haunted by the words or actions of those we love. But even in the case of acquaintances and even enemies – we give too much power to the perceptions of others. We let their critique of us cause pain. We let it drive us to drastic measures. Peer pressure, bullying, teasing, and public humiliation are powerful weapons – weapons borne of the level of importance we put on what others say and do!

So, I don’t mean to make light of the power of perceptions of others. But, I’m here to tell you – those perceptions only bite, hurt, rend, and tear because we give them the power to do so. Because we lack a healthy and strong set of self-perceptions, we bow to the inputs from others. Others who have no advanced degree in psychology, no true understanding of the experiences we’ve lived, and no better grasp on their own lives than we have on ours. Even Jesus seemed to care - when confronted with the opinions of others, he asked Peter, "Who do you say I am?" The key though is that He wasn't asking so that He'd know, He was asking as a precursor to a lesson...as a means of seeing if His followers were paying attention. If THEIR perceptions were right, not to find out who He was! He knew, and only He knew for sure (well Him and His father and mother...).

It is NOT others' perceptions which matter – it’s only our own. Unfortunately, we allow their perceptions to taint our own. We listen, believe, and accept their assessment of us although they are poorly equipped to evaluate our lives.

I remember a movie (not the title) in which creatures lamented the poor design of the human body – frail, unprotected, nerve endings close to the soft and unarmored surface. Besides these vulnerabilities, God also gave us a mind and soul very susceptible to pain and damage. It’s almost as if God made us highly vulnerable so that we would have to become strong to survive. We have had to cultivate our physiques, our minds, and our souls to defeat the plethora of threats – natural and man-made to our own survival.

So, it is our self-perceptions which matter. How we judge ourselves. The only one who knows us as well as we know ourselves is God. He is the only one who can share the grief, joy, needs, and wants we have. He is the only one that TRULY knows us…other than ourselves. So, only our own assessment ultimately matters. We have to take responsibility for our actions, our words, even our thoughts. We have to take full responsibility for who we are and who we are to become.

Mirrors.

Lately I’m fascinated in mirrors. I can’t remember the last time I looked in one? I mean, I know I look at one when I brush my teeth, when I shave. But, I don’t really look. When I do (like when I run past a mirrored store front window – see previous post), I’m usually unhappily shocked at what I see. I see an older guy…a near-50 year old. I see a bigger, heavier, older person. Who is this? The image does NOT match my self-perception, my self-picture. The same thing happens with my voice. The rare occasion when I hear my taped voice played back, I wonder – who is that? I know the physiological and physical reasons for my voice sounding different, but what is the reason for me not recognizing the man in the mirror? Why do I think I’m younger? Slimmer? Less wrinkled? Why do I have such misconceptions of how I look (and sound) to others? I get tons of critiques – too aggressive, too loud, too sure, too pushy, too this and too that. It’s nice that with all my flaws, people feel comfortable sharing their opinions of me!

So, if I’m right, and only our self-perception really matters in the end (of course that perception is flavored by inputs from our environment – including others’ opinions) – then what does that say about the obvious disconnect between what I see in the mirror and what I perceive to be true?

Hmmm.

In any case, I believe. I believe in the power of our self-perception. I believe in the power of having a Vision. I believe any ONE of us can change the world. I believe that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt). I believe “if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change” (Michael Jackson).

So, who do you say that you are?