Advent

What a great time of year!

Thanksgiving is in the rear-view-mirror (you know because of all the new junk in your trunk) and the Advent season is upon us. Even if you don’t follow the Birth of Christ, you can get excited about the ramp up to the College Football Bowl Games!

Personally, I enjoy this time because I start my annual search for the “perfect” Christmas gift for my lovely wife. Each year we have some traditions about Christmas presents.

1. We are NOT allowed to buy anything for ourselves after an agreed upon date in November (usually before Thanksgiving) – lest we ruin Christmas (not for ourselves but for the gift giver). I did this one year. I bought something after the deadline and OF COURSE, I got the exact same thing for Christmas. I’m still trying to live that error down.
   



2. We (all of us) make “wish lists” so that we know what to get each other. Of course, the list isn’t all-inclusive nor is it mandatory that you get something off the list. I’ve been wanting to improve this process for awhile (no surprise there!). I mean, when I want to get someone something off the list, I have to check with the other adults in the house (there a total of four now!) to see if they already bought it! I don’t worry too much about the kids…I just ask the wife what we got them…but my wife’s list quickly gets filled and I’m left to get socks.
   



3. The surprise – Part One. I don’t knowing everything I’m getting. I like a surprise. Of course, I run the risk of getting something I don’t really like. Then I have to smile and act like I like it. Regardless of how many times the wife says, “if you don’t like it you can return it and get something else” I KNOW BETTER! The temperature in the house drops at least 20 degrees if I say, “yup, that’s going back.” So, I’ve learned NOT to return anything. Of course if it doesn’t fit, or has a defect – I can return it and POSSIBLY change it slightly (like get the blue one instead of the bright pink).
   



4. The surprise – Part Two. Because of my own feelings about knowing everything I’m getting, I project that on my wife too. I HAVE to find her a surprise gift. Something she didn’t ask for. Preferably something she WOULDN’T ask for! Something either too impractical or something she hadn’t thought about – EVER! Of course I run a big risk that she won’t like it. I understand that. But that’s the fun. The challenge.
   

I’ve learned a lot about my wife over the last 26+ years of marriage. I know not to surprise her with certain things. She doesn’t wear much jewelry. She likes to pick out her own clothes. She’s not much of a Techie. So, I have to search, dig, and hunt. It’s not easy…but it’s worth it. Even when I strike out and get her something that I know she doesn’t like (of course no matter how much I encourage her to return it, she won’t…instead it gathers dust under our bed or in the closet) – it’s worth it. She knows I love her. She knows all the work and effort I put into finding her the “perfect” gift.

At least that’s what I like to believe.

Knowing my wife (I really do!) – she’d actually (probably) be happier if I got only things from her list.

But hey – it’s a tradition.

So the hunt begins. Via the internet, via mall walks, via friends ideas. If any of you have any ideas…I’m all ears!

Happy Thoughts

Fighting back the inevitable. When you’re young…under 21 for sure, it feels like you’ll live forever. You don’t contemplate death (unless you are clinically depressed – which is a topic I can’t and won’t cover here). No, I’m talking about the invincibility of youth. We lost a 21 year old student the other day to a freak accident and it affected the whole campus. I didn’t know him personally, but I felt a loss. I felt pain. For his family and for him. And, for our University. The needless death of anyone, but especially the young, hurts.

I guess I was different growing up. I always thought I’d die before I reached 18…due to the simple logic that I could not imagine life at or after 18, so therefore I must be going to die before then. What a blur my 20 glorious years in the Air Force are. What a blur most of my life has been. Of course I have instances, moments in time, which are etched with a sharp knife into my memory. Most of those are bad things. Most of those memories are painful. I pray daily that God have mercy on those who are haunted by their past…especially myself. The concept in “Hook” is actually awesome…”you can’t fly Peter because you forgot your happy thoughts.” If you can remember your happy thoughts, you will be young again…you’ll be Peter Pan (instead of Peter Panning).

Peter (Robin Williams) remembers his happy thoughts. The birth of his son. And then the flood gates open. I’m thinking I need to sit and meditate. I need to contemplate my past. I need to find my happy thoughts. I need to find my happy memories if I want to stay young. And Lord knows, I want to stay young. As I approach 50, I realize my mortality all too well. I think that 20 years ago, only 1990, I was in the Air Force, I had two children, life was good. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great today. But, thinking 20 years into the future…I’ll be turning 70! How much can I fit in the next twenty years?

What just came to me though…in the midst of jotting down for you my fears, my anxiety about growing old, about dying…is…it doesn’t matter! My problem isn’t the future. My problem is forgetting my past. Not the painful memories (the wrongs done to me, the wrongs I’ve done) but the “happy thoughts.” What good is living the next 10, 20 or more years to the fullest if I can’t even remember them? Each day I need to spend some time finding my happy thoughts. I need to appreciate my past, my life. The gifts which were given to me.

People. My beautiful children. Lot’s of memories there…not just their birth but their adolescence, their youth, and now their young adulthood. Alyssa’s art, writing, sports and love of movies. Kristopher’s gaming, sports, kindness, and affinity for doing the ridiculous (did you read about Tarzan?). Grace’s super sweet cuteness, the faces she makes, and even at four, her cute voice. Molly, our late addition – all of the trials and tribulations, the unlearning and relearning. Her ability to be kind, considerate, and a big sister. My wife. My family. My friends. People who have helped me. People I’ve helped.

Places. Where we’ve lived. Where we’ve visited. Sites I’ve seen. From Monterey California to New York. From the shores of oceans to the shores of lakes so big it looks like an ocean. Plane flights and car rides. Funerals, parties, weddings, and anniversary celebrations. I’m not as well traveled as others but then again, I’ve never been much for tourism and sight-seeing.

Things. Not material things. No, things I’ve done. Things I’ve accomplished. Winning games, winning matches, winning sports – yup, I am a competitor. Writing a book! Writing another with my daughter. Coaching sports, individuals, and organizations. Teaching. Preaching. Speaking. Helping. Serving. Loving.

A life time is made up of mistakes and happy thoughts. We need to stop occasionally (before it’s too late) and meditate on our happy thoughts. We need to banish the mistakes from our conscience (except to ensure we don’t repeat them). We cannot let our precious moments (time is too valuable – trust me on this one!) be wasted on reliving mistakes. We have to seek out, grasp, and hold tight to those happy thoughts so that like Peter Panning, we can be what we were, we can be what we are meant to be – Peter Pan.

Tarzan he ain’t.

Nope, George of the Jungle crashed into trees as often as he swung from them. Perhaps one of the reasons we love cartoons so much is that they can do almost anything and survive (except for Judge Doom’s invention - Dip) – but of course, we’re not cartoons…and we’re not even in live-action movies made based on them. [Wow, this allows me to not only show Brendan Fraser (almost all of his movies are pure fun) but also Jessica Rabbit!]

All of this toon-based-fun is a preamble to something quite the opposite.

What a horrible feeling. Watching my 25 year-old son swing on a dead tree limb (it was hanging down like a rope) – because he had tried to pull it down and while doing so, found that he could swing to-and-fro on it. Starting from a stand still, he propelled himself off the tree trunk, pushing off with his legs and gaining altitude. He’d swing back toward the tree, cushion the impact with his legs, and push off again, changing direction. Soon after that he swung in a perpendicular arc…and as he reached the apex, the limb finally came free.

Unfortunately, he did a Joe Theisman landing (I purposefully chose not to use those photos). Breaking both bones in his left leg, just above the joint where it meets his foot.

Being a dutiful father, I didn’t laugh. I went to his aid. He was gingerly holding his leg, up by his knee (which he brought in front of him). I looked at the way his foot was laying askew, and told him I thought it was broken. He agreed.

We packed him into the van for the 5 minute ride to the emergency room.

Luck was on our side (the good kind…he had just had his fill of the bad kind). The emergency room was empty. He was seen immediately. Yup. Broken. Surgery at the earliest would be Tuesday to put some hardware in.

After searching for a good specialist – his near-uncle Tim recommended an Orthopedic (bone) surgeon in Saginaw. Well, actually, he asked this doctor if he knew of any good ones in South Bend area…but he didn’t. Also we weren’t sure my son’s insurance would be accepted “across the border.”

The doc in Saginaw suggested we send the x-rays (isn’t technology great?) so I downloaded them from the CD the ER gave us, and sent them via email to both Tim and the Doc. The doc offered to take care of it the next day (Monday).

ROADTRIP!

We shacked up at his Grandparents and waited for a call to see what time to get to the hospital. The call came in the morning, telling us to be there at noon. Tim came to St. Charles and led us to his hospital (he’s an ER doctor there). It was then that I had a flash-back to the military. Not because of the broken bones, the hospital smells (actually this place was very clean, wood floors in the rooms, and nice smiling people), but because of what every good military person knows about appointments. “Hurry Up and Wait.”

And wait.

7 PM he was finally wheeled into the OR preparatory room. About a half hour later he was taken to the operating room. Finally, I got to go eat. Of course it was worse for my son who wasn’t allowed to eat since midnight the night before. I at least had some breakfast. Tim and I shared a dinner at McDonald’s. Then back to waiting. After an hour or so, he was in recovery.

So, here I am on Tuesday (the day after) waiting (I already hurried up) to see if they will release him today or if I have to spend another night at the Grandparents and take him home tomorrow. I can deal with either. Love the grandparents. Miss wife and other kids. And my son is going through a LOT worse than I (basically I’m just waiting a lot).

Funny how much it hurts. Not physically of course – my son has the market on that…and the corner store on pain meds. No, I mean psychological. Of course, I could have told him to stop swinging on the dead branch. I could have told him it was a bad idea. I understand now how onlookers (and videographers) can stand by watching while young people produce new stupid stunts for “Jackass.” I did have the fleeting thought, “I’m sure he realizes it may break at any time and that he will fall to the ground. I’m sure he’s ready for it and will fall on his butt…”

No, none of that causes me pain. The pain is just from worrying how well he’ll recover. How his trip to Europe has to be postponed. How much all of this will cost him (his deductible and co-pay is very high – where is O’Bama’s health plan?). How he won’t be playing sports for a few months…and I worry that he won’t be as able as before.

Then again, I keep reminding myself that God has plans we don’t understand. And if this isn’t part of His plan, He can still use this circumstance to some good. It’s not what happens to you that defines you, it’s how you react. So far my son has reacted with strength, resolve, and a positive attitude.

I’m not surprised that he got here (although I was sure it would have been his buddy that would have done it) and I’m very proud of him for how he’s dealing with the situation.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers, concerns, and support. He’s been facebooking as much as possible…something about one-upping his uncle’s motorcycle accident.

Thanks to Tim especially for the referral, advice, and sitting with us all day on Monday. Thanks to the Grandparents for boarding, compassion, and food. Thanks to Dan for the advice. Thanks to Missy for the cookies. Thanks to Scott and Tara for helping, spending time with the Tarzan-wanabee, and driving him home.

Thanks to all of you.

It really is times of crisis that we are reminded of what friendship is all about.

Anger Management

One of my 50 goals is to play 5 consecutive days of anger-free basketball. I don’t have this problem with chess or tennis singles. I don’t have anyone to get angry with but myself and I KNOW I will play worse if I let anger get in the way. I don’t even allow overly negative thoughts to intrude on my focus. I stay positive because I know that I play better.

I do just fine in doubles – tennis or volleyball. I think because I KNOW I have to keep my partner “up” so that we play better. There’s only one other person to get angry at…and that makes it kind of personal. But basketball? Five-on-five? I lose it almost every time.

Not at my opponents (although fouling me – or teammates – simply because you are beat and there is no real negative to hacking gets under my skin from time to time), but at my teammates. Normally this is due to one of two things:

Either incompetence (in my opinion – definitely NOT humble opinion) from a player who I EXPECT more from. This is key. Our lunchtime ball is awesome. One of the reasons is we have some statesmen (who have been playing lunchtime ball for over 20 years) who make up the first teams (dividing the first 10 to arrive). The idea is to make as equal teams as possible. This means NO stacked teams. This means that sometimes you have a very weak player on your team. That really doesn’t bother me. And when our weaker player makes errors or gets beat – I actually encourage them very positively to keep trying! In fact, I’ve been complemented on my “coaching” of my teammates. BUT, when the teammate, is in my opinion “better” than they are playing…when a good player doesn’t play hard defense or doesn’t try. Or makes stupid plays. When a teammate doesn’t live up to my expectations…I tend to get frustrated. And that frustration then leads to anger.

The other case is when I have someone who insists playing a position or doing things that they are just not capable of – and although all things point to this…they continue to do so. For example an extremely poor three point shooter who, instead of doing what they do well, keeps heaving up three pointers which don’t even draw backboard (much less iron). OK. So, perhaps that’s not so bad either because as the point guard I take it upon myself not to give the opportunities for this to happen. In other words, I won’t give the poor three point shooter the ball behind the arc. But the one case that actually drives me crazy (is only committed by one person really) is when someone who is a horrible point guard insists on playing my position. Yup. It’s not ALL about me, but again, if someone keeps trying to play down low and is poor at it, I don’t have to give them the ball down there. But when a teammate runs over and stands in front of the person taking the ball out of bounds and demands the ball…what can I do? I can ask my teammates to NOT give him the ball. I can steal the ball from him (my teammate) – which may be pretty easy because I’m sure he won’t expect it. Or I can get angry.

Well, actually I haven’t come up with answers for either of the above. So, let me try – because for me to achieve my goal…I HAVE to find ways to stop getting angry. I’ve analyzed the situations when it happens…so now I must find ways to avoid or mitigate or eliminate those situations.

So, for the first case – expectation-based anger. Perhaps I’m giving some players too much credit. Perhaps I should be looking at every player as good, but not great. Stop thinking they know more than me (I KNOW I lack basketball smarts). Just start believing everyone is trying their best. AND that I can help them play better by encouraging them. Become a cheerleader on the court. This doesn’t mean being insincere…but to not assume or expect that my teammates are better than they are at that moment. Give them support. Give them honest, constructive criticism. Give them the benefit of the doubt and encouragement. I CAN DO THIS!

For the other case? This is much harder. I’ve tried letting others play point and just running up the court and playing small forward…and working extra hard. But…ow…this is really tough! I guess I could use suggestions. I’ve tried different tactics (asking the player if he wants to play point or if I can…and if they want to, I just focus on other roles…) and for the most part I think they’ve worked. So perhaps just keeping to that? Combining it with the first case solution may work.

But I’m open to suggestions.

50 Things To Do...Edited

Ok, so it's not a new post...but I finally found 50 things!

1. Draw "Stations" (art) (started over 10 years ago...)
2. Help Irv get published (family)
3. Fully Clean my room (family)
4. Help Kristopher develop a life plan (strategic plan) (family)
5. Help Alyssa develop a life plan (strategic plan) (family)
6. Visit Family (family) DONE!
7. Visit Benji and Pinky (friends)
8. Get to and maintain 160 lbs max (physical health) (started...calorie counting, eating carefully, exercising)
9. Develop a consistent tennis backhand (sports
10. Compete in a Singles Tennis Tournament (want to hit with pace first - sports)
    
11. Stick to exercise program for 6 consecutive months (physical health) (One-a-Days)
12. Eat at least 1 piece of fruit daily for 90 consecutive days (physical health) (Think I completed this one...but lost track. Will restart)
13. Pray daily for another 365 consecutive days (spiritual health) (started Dec 26th - Yeah! one that I'm doing well at!)
14. Try Yoga (physical health) (the Wii I bought should help!)
15. Read the Bible - cover to cover (spiritual health) (will be second time around...)
16. Lower cholesterol within healthy range (physical health) (may be accomplished through eating changes - taking blood test tomorrow)
17. Get body fat % to healthy range (physical health) (may be accomplished through eating changes and #40)
18. Donate 1 million grains of rice through freerice.com (mental health) (plan to start today Dec 27th 09...Started Jan 3rd. If I do it for 500 days, I will have to donate 2,000 a day)
19. Take class on sign language (mental health)
20. Read two books on Albert Einstein - because one just won't be enough (mental health)
21. Read "Numbers" book (mental health) (started, need to finish)
22. Try a martial art (physical health)
23. Learn a full Tai Chi form (physical health)
24. Fast for a week – combined with praying fervently (spiritual health) (Lent 2010 should be a good time)
25. Research (find likely opportunities) for teaching in Michigan (job) (signed up for some search engines which send messages)
26. Participate in seminar business (job)
27. Get five authors in the fold for K4K Books (project) (at 2)
28. Publish at least 10 standards through CEITPS (project) (at 1)
29. Make St. Mark Youth Group viable - have at least 10 active members (church) (DONE!)
30. Sell all stuff (to be sold) in room on Ebay (misc) (began Dec 26th, 2009)
31. Mentor / Coach four people (misc) (three down, one to go)
32. Put out a chess club website for Niles Comm Library club (misc)
33. Become a 3 point shooting threat in basketball (sports) (DONE!)
34. Get published - book (writing) (DONE!)
35. Get published in a mainstream magazine (writing)
36. Get published for a solo writing effort (writing)
37. Finish a publishable novel (writing)
38. Research Live Action Role Playing (and if legal / feasible) participate in one (misc)
39. Complete 100/100 club for 100 days (physical health) (done in past, need to do again)
40. Take 1,000,000 steps in 100 days (physical health) (Have pedometer will travel - started Jan 1,2010...and already need to restart!)
41. Drink 64 ounces of water daily (for at least one month - Health)
42. Donate $1K to St. Mark Youth Group (plan in work - Church)
43. See a 3D movie (maybe at IMAX - Misc)
44. Publish the Niles Chess Club Newsletter (monthly for the school year - misc)
45. Get and keep Inbox @ Zero for 3 months (at least once each week - job)
46. Overcome anger - specifically during basketball (mental health)
47. Learn to sing (misc)
48. Use water pick or floss daily (90 days - physical health)
49. Build complete Simon-Says comedy routine (misc)
50. Develop financial retirement plan (family)
    

Keeping It Simple

Once again my writer’s block has been shattered by my brother (thanks bro!).

“Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.” – Albert Einstein

Not only do I like the quote for its unadulterated simplicity, but it has real meaning in my job. I created a Metrics Scorecard (a report card for how well we deliver our services). It’s pretty revolutionary in its design. It’s ONLY from one point of view (the customer’s) and provides Effectiveness metrics for each service. It is based on Expectations and how well we meet them VS. being based on goals or thresholds which can be arbitrary and lead to unintended (and unwanted) behaviors. The use of Expectations and the focus strictly on Effectiveness help to make the Scorecard extremely simple. But we were careful not to make it simpler than possible. That would have been disastrous. You ask “how” could it be simpler than possible? Well, if we tried to simplify it to the point that you received one (single) score for a service (we provide scores for each metric – delivery, usage, customer satisfaction and security) that would be too simple. It is important to keep the tiny level of complexity that builds on the theory of triangulation (using multiple data points to pinpoint a meaningful piece of information).

Ok, that was probably much more than you wanted to know. The point is, simple is good. I also like the use of simple English. I abhor those who take a good, clear thought and obliterate it with big words. This is the downfall of many a would be orator. It is also the downfall of the Mission Statements I see in my work. Mission (and Vision) statements should definitely be as simple as possible (but no simpler). It should be easy to remember, to the point, and meaningful.

Metrics? KISS.

Mission Statements? KISS

Your Life? KISS. Yup, even your day-to-day life… Keep it Simple! Work to find ways to make your life simpler. I challenged my brother to find five things, five ways to make his life simpler. I offer the same challenge to each of you and of course, myself. I have another thing to accomplish before turning 50! Simplify my life in 5 measurable / observable ways. Thanks again bro!

Here are some easy ways to start.

• Use automation. Find something you do manually and see if you can automate it. For me this will be an easy one – since much of what I do is on the computer. If you think because I use a computer a lot that the processes I follow are already automated…think again! Even the writing of this post involves multiple steps. I draft in Word, then copy and paste into MS Notepad or Wordpad (to remove most of the crap that Word sticks in). Then I copy and paste into the Blog environment. If I wrote directly in Wordpad or Notepad, I’d save a step.

• Look to improve a process or two. I’ve already done this a bit…but haven’t taken credit for it. For example, I do the recyclables. Well, I used to just store them in the garage until I took them to the recycling plant. Now I pre-sort when I put them in the garage. It simplifies my trip to the plant immensely.

• Find more efficient routes when you travel. Gotta’ love the GPS “detour” function!

• Simplify your athletic performance. For me? My 3-point shot. Or my Tennis serve. Or my ground strokes (which need some work). Simplifying the motion used when playing a sport should improve your results.

• Recently I set up my email folders so I can successfully get my “inbox to zero.” It has simplified my life and reduced my stress levels (I used to have 100’s of emails in my inbox and always felt at an internal level that I was falling further and further behind). Psychologically, having my inbox at zero is very healthy.

Bottom line? Making things simpler is usually worth the effort. Just don’t try to make it too simple.

Be Careful What You Pray For

You might just get it!

My good friend Troy mentioned something interesting. He said that whenever he hears a recording of his voice or a picture of himself, he says, “yikes!” I fully understand this. In fact, I’m now wondering if the total disconnect on how we see ourselves (in comparison to how others see us) may be the root of all unhappiness. Here is the basic issue.

Not only do we sound different in our own hearing (heads) than others hear us, but we also have a picture in our heads of who we are. Not just how we look to others. Who we “are.” We’re amazed when people see us differently (especially in a “bad” light). Sometimes we’re surprised when we’re seen in a “better light” than we see ourselves. It’s good for our ego, and is proof of our humility. But the point is, how we see others (different than they see themselves) and how we see ourselves (different than how others see us) creates a LOT of issues in our lives.

Misunderstandings, confusion, hurt feelings, anger, etc.

I did a post recently on making a change within first…dealing with the “man in the mirror” before we start seeking to change others. This could seem to be on the same topic…
My very last post was about Comparison being the Root of All Unhappiness. This definitely can be seen as a continuation of that.

Ever wonder why I call this “Chaos Simplified?”

If we could see ourselves as others do, what a difference that would make! We’d know when we’re being insensitive, when we are aggravating others, when we’re seen as less than truthful. We’d know when we were cute, handsome, pretty, or sexy. We’d know when we were being ugly.

Perhaps my daily prayer should be, “Lord help me to see myself as others see me.”

I’m not sure I could handle it if God granted me such a wish.

Could you?

Comparison is the root of all unhappiness

“Comparison is the root of all unhappiness” ~ Martha (camp facilitator).

Really? This made me think.

It was said in “reply” to our team’s efforts to complete a teamwork-building exercise. A the completion of the task, one of our team asked, “so, how fast did the other team do it?” Quite a natural question. A question I would have asked.
Martha’s reply was interesting.

So, I searched via Google to find out if this was an original quotation…

I found “comparison is…”

• The death of happiness


• The thief of joy


• The death of contentment

But I could find nothing conclusive. Perhaps Martha is the originator, and who better to discuss the meaning with than the author? I’ll contact her and post her reply/thoughts as a follow on post. For now, you’ll have to suffer with my own musings on the topic.

The statement struck a chord – I mean, if we weren’t comparing our lives, our salaries, our cars, or the size of our thighs (had to throw that in for the wife), wouldn’t we be happier? If we were totally content with ourselves wouldn’t that require either a positive comparison with our internal standards OR just to simply not compare ourselves with anyone?

Hmmm.

I’m having trouble thinking of how comparing causes me unhappiness. I mean, if I were jealous of others, I guess that would do it. Or if I were full of pride (if I saw myself as better than others), that would eventually lead to unhappiness. The wicked witch (pick one) always seemed unhappy because she compared herself to the younger more beautiful princess which she then tried to destroy. But, that’s a fairy tale.

I find comparison necessary. I don’t enjoy playing a sport or game unless I can compare to a degree – I mean, I HAVE to keep score. It doesn’t always have to be an us and them situation. It could be a collaborative competition – like seeing how many times we could keep a ball alive (tennis) for example.

But I don’t understand people who don’t keep score, who don’t compete. I’ve written about how “Officer’s Compete” earlier…and it still holds. It’s all in the battle and in the journey. I’m totally baffled by those who push for or even support the growing trend in our youth sports where “everyone wins.” Really? How is that possible? Isn’t the definition of winning a competition based on the fact that others lose? Giving trophies to every contestant – I don’t mean Gold, Silver, and Bronze – but everyone winning “gold” is ridiculous! What does THAT teach our youth? That there are no winners? I’m sure I’ll hear that the idea was to have no “losers.” But again, I’m back to the concept of winning vs. losing…can you have one without the other? I DO like giving awards/rewards for effort, for sportsmanship, and competing. BUT, I just don’t get it.

Comparison encourages us to grow, to improve.

What a sorry place we’d be in if there were NO comparisons? Why would we struggle? Why would we try to become “the best?” at anything? We’d be deprived of the “greatest” at anything. Scholars, scientists, writers, artists, athletes, etc. If we didn’t compare we’d settle for our position and situation in life. We’d not know failure, but we’d also not know the joy of success.

If comparison is truly the source of all unhappiness…it would also have to be the foundation of joy. Without comparison, we don’t have happiness, we have stupefied dullness.

Let’s go back to the specific situation that brought about my awareness of the saying. Martha was trying to keep us from getting down because we did worse than someone else. An admirable reason…but perhaps misguided? I did notice (I was an observer more than once of her facilitation techniques) that she used the same comparison she tried to get our team to avoid, to make a different team feel good. When another team finished quickly, she told them they completed it faster than any other team had so far.

So, while comparison can be used to make someone unhappy (almost all insults are a negative comparison), they can also make you feel sooooo good. Even when you are miserable, comparing yourself to someone more miserable, can make you feel a little better.

Final thoughts:

My bouts (as seldom as they may be) of unhappiness seldom come from comparison – or at least I think so. I am occasionally unhappy. I find it usually happens when:

• 1. I let a past event haunt me


• 2. I fail to compete (do my best)


• 3. I get angry (usually at other drivers, incompetence, or unprofessional behavior)


• 4. I think about the inevitable day I can’t do the things I love to do (worry)

To combat these private sources of unhappiness, I (respectively):

• 1. Pray. Pray and refuse to live in the past.


• 2. Hmmm. Rare, since I “hate” not competing, and I LOVE competing. Usually when this occurs (which is unusual), I try harder next time out.


• 3. Pray again. Really. It helps a LOT. Besides praying for all those who suffer with the sin of Wrath, I also do my best to be understanding toward those who incite me to anger. This is easier with drivers (I can make up reasons they drive too slow or too fast). With incompetence and unprofessionalism, I really struggle. Again, in this case, prayer is my only recourse that has had any worth. If you know of something else, I’m open to suggestions.


• 4. I remind myself of another saying, one I DO give full credence to…”We should never worry – because there are only two things we ever worry about…things we can change and things we can’t.” That differentiation is important to me – it’s a source of drive for my personal goal of vision setting. “The things you can’t change – don’t worry over…worrying won’t help! Worrying is a waste of time in that case. The things you can change – don’t worry over…get off your butt and CHANGE THEM!” Simplistic isn’t it? The point is not to waste effort, time, or emotion on worrying…because worrying does you no good.

Granted, you could take each of my personal reasons for stints with unhappiness and say I'm comparing that situation to a time when I was happy, or when those conditions didn't exist. But, I'm pretty sure that would be quibbling. I mean, the gist of the concept is that you are miserable due to comparing your lot to someone else's.

Bottom line for me? While I am reluctant to argue that comparison is not the root of all unhappiness, I am very willing to argue that the path to happiness is NOT avoiding comparison, and that our happiness is, like most everything in our lives, A CHOICE. As the Knight said to Indiana Jones..."choose wisely."

I Miss The Military

“All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” (a book by Robert Fulghum) isn’t quite true for me…but if I substitute “the military” for “Kindergarten” I’d be a lot closer to the truth. While it irks me when I hear the “well, at my last job we did it like this…” refrain, I must say, after 20 years in the military that it’s worth citing those experiences from time to time. Here are some of the things I’ve learned (Jeff, who recently joined the Navy and is on active duty may help me expound on the list…)

I learned:

• The difference between followership and leadership


• The difference between managing and leading


• How to march


• The deeply intrinsic joy of comradeship


• How to follow orders


• How to give orders


• How to train


• How to educate


• How to mentor, guide and coach


• The value of tradition


• The worth of discipline


• The benefits of rules


• The meanings of more acronyms than I can ever need, but also some really good ones! (SNAFU and FUBAR for example)


• The joy of moving, in step, in sync, smoothly and with precision - (with one other Airman, with a flight, or with an entire squadron)


• The meaning of a salute


• Determination


• That “officers compete”


• Love of my country, my family, our flag


• Respect for others – all others, and especially those who gave their limbs and/or lives for me


• How to stand and sit erect (vs. slouching)


• How to ask for forgiveness (and not permission)


• How and when to take risks


• When to disobey orders


• When to stand out, when to step up, and when to sit down


• How to say nothing often (not that I do this much)


• How to make things happen


• How to be a team
  
  

So, what brought on this recall? Was it a lesson I taught? Was it an opportunity to lead an activity? Was it a challenge to take charge of an event? Nope. I was walking down the hall. I caught up to a coworker (I walk NY fast), and decided to do a half-step and get into stride with him. We “marched” down the hall. It felt GREAT! I hadn’t even realized that I missed it. I mean, marching was always a chore in the service. It’s hard to describe. Probably synchronized swimmers or ball room dancers would easily understand – but the rest of us, I’m not sure it translates. Being lockstep with someone else, moving together, separate but one. Individual but a team. It feels great.

I miss it.

The Man In The Mirror

Perception is Reality

A common saying in the Air Force.

Our self-perceptions may be the best example of this. It doesn’t matter what others think of us, not in the long run. The only thing that matters (and perhaps it should be this way) is how we see ourselves. Oh, trust me, I know we give a lot of weight to the perceptions of others. Way too much in most cases. In fact, many times we are haunted by the words or actions of those we love. But even in the case of acquaintances and even enemies – we give too much power to the perceptions of others. We let their critique of us cause pain. We let it drive us to drastic measures. Peer pressure, bullying, teasing, and public humiliation are powerful weapons – weapons borne of the level of importance we put on what others say and do!

So, I don’t mean to make light of the power of perceptions of others. But, I’m here to tell you – those perceptions only bite, hurt, rend, and tear because we give them the power to do so. Because we lack a healthy and strong set of self-perceptions, we bow to the inputs from others. Others who have no advanced degree in psychology, no true understanding of the experiences we’ve lived, and no better grasp on their own lives than we have on ours. Even Jesus seemed to care - when confronted with the opinions of others, he asked Peter, "Who do you say I am?" The key though is that He wasn't asking so that He'd know, He was asking as a precursor to a lesson...as a means of seeing if His followers were paying attention. If THEIR perceptions were right, not to find out who He was! He knew, and only He knew for sure (well Him and His father and mother...).

It is NOT others' perceptions which matter – it’s only our own. Unfortunately, we allow their perceptions to taint our own. We listen, believe, and accept their assessment of us although they are poorly equipped to evaluate our lives.

I remember a movie (not the title) in which creatures lamented the poor design of the human body – frail, unprotected, nerve endings close to the soft and unarmored surface. Besides these vulnerabilities, God also gave us a mind and soul very susceptible to pain and damage. It’s almost as if God made us highly vulnerable so that we would have to become strong to survive. We have had to cultivate our physiques, our minds, and our souls to defeat the plethora of threats – natural and man-made to our own survival.

So, it is our self-perceptions which matter. How we judge ourselves. The only one who knows us as well as we know ourselves is God. He is the only one who can share the grief, joy, needs, and wants we have. He is the only one that TRULY knows us…other than ourselves. So, only our own assessment ultimately matters. We have to take responsibility for our actions, our words, even our thoughts. We have to take full responsibility for who we are and who we are to become.

Mirrors.

Lately I’m fascinated in mirrors. I can’t remember the last time I looked in one? I mean, I know I look at one when I brush my teeth, when I shave. But, I don’t really look. When I do (like when I run past a mirrored store front window – see previous post), I’m usually unhappily shocked at what I see. I see an older guy…a near-50 year old. I see a bigger, heavier, older person. Who is this? The image does NOT match my self-perception, my self-picture. The same thing happens with my voice. The rare occasion when I hear my taped voice played back, I wonder – who is that? I know the physiological and physical reasons for my voice sounding different, but what is the reason for me not recognizing the man in the mirror? Why do I think I’m younger? Slimmer? Less wrinkled? Why do I have such misconceptions of how I look (and sound) to others? I get tons of critiques – too aggressive, too loud, too sure, too pushy, too this and too that. It’s nice that with all my flaws, people feel comfortable sharing their opinions of me!

So, if I’m right, and only our self-perception really matters in the end (of course that perception is flavored by inputs from our environment – including others’ opinions) – then what does that say about the obvious disconnect between what I see in the mirror and what I perceive to be true?

Hmmm.

In any case, I believe. I believe in the power of our self-perception. I believe in the power of having a Vision. I believe any ONE of us can change the world. I believe that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt). I believe “if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change” (Michael Jackson).

So, who do you say that you are?

One-A-Days

OK, so I am flawed. In many ways. One glaring flaw I am trying to combat is a lack of self-discipline when it comes to doing things that are good for me, but are not fun. Like eating proper meals. Or eating vegetables. Or NOT eating candy, sweets, or ice cream. The one that bothers me the most though is my natural ability to avoid exercise.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m active. For a 49 year old, I’m even spry! I play sports (fun), I’ll take on a challenge in a heartbeat (fun). I coach volleyball (fun). But, to lift weights, do push-ups, or go for a run is akin to pulling teeth.

Now the paradox (which I believe most of us non-exercise junkies share) is that when I DO exercise, I like it! I like the results. I feel like I’ve accomplished something. I feel healthier. But, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why, with all of these positive reinforcements, I still couldn’t keep to an exercise program!

One day, a little bit ago, I happened upon the answer.

While exercise has positive effects and makes me feel good (and glad I did it), it’s still NOT FUN. So, simple…but the answer eluded me for years. And, to be honest, I can’t think of a way to make it fun! I’ve subconsciously tried. I found a coworker who suffers from the same aversion to regular workouts, and challenged him to a competition. That worked for a few months until one of us won (yes, one of us simultaneously lost). And then, it was over.

So, with my goals (which include maintaining an exercise program) flush in my face, I have decided to find a way! My latest plan of attack is One-A-Days.

In “Fit for Eternal Life” by Kevin Vost (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1933184310/), I learned about a quick, easy, and impressive weight lifting regimen. The core of the program is the use of weight machines (to ensure good form), doing only 5 or so exercises, doing only ONE set, no more than 8-12 reps, and do them to FAILURE. So, the only hard part is learning how much weight to use in each exercise so that you can’t do more than twelve, but can do at least 8. As you get stronger, and can do more than 12 reps, you add weight. With only five exercises, and therefore only five sets, and no more than 12 reps…you can do the full workout in less than 20 minutes. This is also timed because each rep follows a rule for so many seconds for push and the pull parts. It’s actually pretty neat. I recommend it to anyone looking to build body mass, get in shape by using weights, and is on a tight schedule.

I did that one for about 2 months before I lost the rhythm and then stopped.

I actually hope to do it again…but this time I plan to sneak up on it with One-A-Days.

So, here’s my idea. And before you tell me how lame I am, let me give this disclaimer – If you have trouble sticking to (or starting) an exercise program, this may work for you. If you’re an exercise machine, then yes, this will seem lame.

One-A-Days is a simple – EACH day I have to do at least ONE exercise, one set, to FAILURE. That means, any exercise (weights, aerobic, or anaerobic) non-stop until I can’t do even one more. Pushups? You’ll find out how many you can do in one set. Max it out. Sit-ups? To Failure. Bench Press? To Failure. Leg raises? To failure. Squats, curls, triceps pull downs, or Lunges? TO FAILURE. If you choose to lift weights, like Vost teaches, try to find the right amount of weight so you fail between 8 and 12 reps. But, hey, if you end up doing 30…that’s fine. Just do it to FAILURE.

Now, you may have guessed that it helps to log/track all of this. So, you know what exercises you’ve done, what weights are optimal, and what parts of the body you’ve worked. The good news for me, is that I actually like the part of the exercise program where I collect, track, plot, and analyze the data. What can I say? I’m a metrics geek.

One BIG warning. If you choose to do Free Weights (not on a machine) and you choose an exercise where you can’t drop the weights (like bench press) YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SPOTTER. Since by definition you will NOT be able to put the bar back…since you’re doing it to failure!

Another benefit of One-A-Days is that it’s easy to mix up the exercises and not get bored. If you don’t have access to weights, do pushups. If you don’t have a lot of time…use weights. Just make sure you do at least ONE each day! So far I’ve done 6 days in a row. I plan to maintain it for 90 days! If I can make it a habit (30 days), hopefully I can do it for life.

If I get it to be a habit, and I feel daring, I may move to Two-A-Days! And after that the skies the limit! Well, actually, three is the limit. I figure, every book I’ve read, says that your body needs rest, and they all suggest taking a day off. So, I figure some exercises you can do every day (like core – ab work for example), and I should be able to do Three-A-Days safely.

OR when I get One-A-Days to be a habit, instead of Two-A-Days, perhaps I’ll do the Fit For Eternal Life program for a month at a pop.

Regardless…if I can reach the goal of doing One-A-Days every day, I’ll be better off for it. BTW, I tried this with prayer (as the fulfillment of my wife’s birthday gift wish) and it worked great. I started with five decades of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and I found myself adding people to pray for….and now I say 13 a day. I’ve maintained this for over a year…so I know it’s possible.

Wish me luck!

P.S. Some of you don't have Gmail and therefore can't post comments (or at least that's what I'm told). Feel free to send me a comment for posting via email, and I will post if for you.

Seeking Wisdom

Colleges and Universities are places of advanced learning and thought. Notre Dame is special in that it is also a place where you can discuss religion regularly. I very often find myself in spirited discussions with co-workers and friends on almost any topic. One of the most fascinating things about the discussions (for me) is that my protagonist can be anyone from a fellow information technology worker, to an administrative assistant, to the dean of a college or a tenured senior professor.

While a friend (a professor of science) and I were about to part ways after a short walk– him to his classroom and I to my office, I spied a baby rabbit (yes, a “bunny”).

It was looking for food in the shade of two buildings on campus. After remarking on how well fed this little bunny was, my friend shared his hatred for all rabbits. It seemed that, especially during the spring, his dog (a Beagle) would bark incessantly at rabbits which traversed his yard in search of food.

We entered an honest if not totally sincere argument. My learned colleague argued that he hated the rabbits and blamed them for the headaches caused by the Beagle’s barking.

I argued for the furry creatures – it was the dog my friend should despise not the rabbit.

In the middle of our debate, my boss’ boss’ boss showed up. I enlisted his wise council to settle the argument. Pointing to the bunny, I summarized our discussion. To this modern day Solomon I posed the question – so, who is to blame for the barking? The Dog or the Bunny?

Without pause he adjudicated with wisdom and a smile. Neither. It is the dog’s owner who is to blame.

My friend of course objected, to which our judge simply asked, “did you not know that Beagle’s are high strung dogs, prone to bark at everything and anything?” My friend actually smiled and acquiesced.

I learned that my leader had actually experienced something which profoundly suited him to be our arbiter that day. His son had wanted a dog. Being a teaching parent, my boss told him to do research and determine the right type of dog to get. This lead to excluding Beagles and other breeds because of their temperaments. It also eliminated other breeds. His son found out that mix breeds can be a good choice as in many cases the negative traits many of each independent breed are eschewed in the mix. He not only learned about the different tendencies, personalities and temperaments of the breeds and mixed breeds but he also learned how to perform a “puppy test” to tell if a puppy would be trainable and a good pet. After all of the research, his son chose wisely and they are still happy today with the choice. His son was only 10 at the time.

I was heartened by the story – I realized there was hope for my friend (who is past 50) yet…

“Stay thirsty my friends."

Hmmm. The close to a blog post by my brother, “Stay thirsty my friends,” was an allusion to “Be Like Water” – direction from Bruce Lee…and a goal of my brother (see his Monday, April 26, 2010 post). But his close is interesting. Following his example, before I wax on the statement, perhaps we should break down the meaning of the statement.

As with most words in the English language, there are more than one meaning for the word “thirst.”

This is simultaneously the cause for many problems in our society (dual / confused meanings) and the beauty of our language (see poetry for examples). Thirst can be “the craving of liquids” – the sometimes unrelenting and overpowering need to consume liquids.

In Quantum of Solace, the latest James Bond movie, the 007 gives a can of motor oil to the villain as he abandons him in the middle of a desert. Yes, we learn later that he drank the oil. The power of thirst can be so powerful.

Thirst can be used for the craving of things other than liquids. And the thirst for other things can be as powerful as the need for liquids. The difference is the need for liquids is biological or physiological – while the thirst for power, fame, glory, riches, passion, compassion, love, applause, attention, or knowledge are not. These thirsts stem from a different central point in our beings. But is the craving any less powerful?

When our brains signal our need to drink it is a survival mechanism. Our bodies need fluids (specifically water). Without it we die.

So, when my big brother says, “stay thirsty” what did he mean? Did he mean to work hard so that we are always in need of liquids? Like, “sweat daily?” Or “just do it?”

Or did he mean, in a sly way, that we should not become satisfied. Not be satisfied with who we are, or where we are (station in life), or what we have? That we should continue to thirst for more and continue to strive to always be better? Ow. That would make self-contentment a bad goal. Maslow would be unhappy to hear it. Or would he? Is self-actualization a goal we should seek to attain or is it a road? A journey we should attempt to travel endlessly to our grave? Does contentment lead to complacency and eventually death?

Or did my brother simply mean to keep trying? Keep growing? Keep becoming?

I’ve heard a similar saying, “stay hungry,” used in sports a lot.

Lou Holtz has said that the problem was that his goal was too specific – winning a national championship. Once the team (including himself) achieved the goal…they became complacent. They were no longer thirsty.

He definitely would recommend staying thirsty. Perhaps he’d say “stay hungry.” Perhaps he would say always leave the table a little hungry. By the way, if our bodies tell us we’re hungry – you can safely ignore that to a degree. If you body tells you you’re thirsty…you’d better listen. We need water much more than we need food. No wonder water is the symbol for baptism. Water cleanses. Water heals. Water provides life. So, the old saying, “stay hungry” pales in comparison to “stay thirsty.”

Is it our brains that also signal our need to quench our other thirsts? If we don’t quench those thirsts – will we die? How powerful is the thirst for knowledge? How powerful is our thirst for attention? Are these addictions? No, not all addictions are bad things…you can be addicted to a TV show (24 anyone?), Butter Pecan Ice Cream (mom?), or even a game (chess).

Currently, Wikipedia defines addiction as a negative, “An addiction is a persistent behavioral pattern marked by physical and/or psychological dependency and tolerance that causes significant disruption and negatively impacts the quality of life of an organism.” So what would you call something that doesn’t have a negative impact but meets the other criteria? Whatever you call that (I look forward to your comments) is what I’m talking about. But perhaps I’m reading it wrong. Perhaps the negative impact is a result of not feeding the addiction or quenching the thirst. So, reading further, Wikipedia also says, “It is common in colloquial English usage to extend the use of the term "addiction" to also encompass apparent compulsive behavior and passionate dedication to activities (such as hobbies) by analogy.”

Again, the beauty of our language. So, I guess I’m ok. I’m just colloquial.

So, what is meant by “stay thirsty?” This is when I usually provide my conclusive answer to the questions I’ve posed, making the question rhetorical. And I get very few comments (which could be because I’ve answered the questions so well OR it could be NO ONE IS READING THIS!). So, while the temptation is strong to not provide my “take” on the answer, I’d be cheating if I didn’t. I mean, that’s what a blog is for, right?

I get to quench my thirst for writing, for expounding on my chaotic thoughts. You get to read this. I get to wait expectantly for comments which you get to refrain from adding. But are these thirsts? Or just hungers? What do I actually thirst for?

What do I believe I would die without? What thirst do I have which I find impossible to leave unfulfilled? What thirst, which if I don’t quench, will cause me pain and sorrow? What will result in “significant disruption and negative impact” to my quality of life?

I would surely die (or wish to die) if I could not quench the thirst within me for:

• Love
• Companionship
• Competition
• Mental exercise
• My wife
• My children
• Serving others

Is Mike Golic Right?

Does Football teach us to have a lack of integrity?
Mike Golic would say "definitely not!" On his ESPN morning show, "Mike & Mike" (which I thoroughly enjoy) Greeny and Golic had the argument...Greeny saying there is a problem with a lack of integrity in pro football, and Golic holding up the NFL's side of the argument.

Here's my take:

Golf – high integrity…self-policing.

Volleyball (team sport) – while at some levels self-policing, at the best it is. Even in the high stakes games, you are not allowed to purposefully mislead the refs/judges and you are also not allowed to “distract” your opponent (finding a way to “cheat”).

Tennis – honor is evident (although there are exceptions).

The point? In most sports there is a level of honor and this is appreciated, and applauded. In Football, basketball, and soccer, the opposite is expected. You are expected to do everything you can to win, including confuse or deceive the referees. It reminds me of pro-wrestling where the ref is obviously (and humorously) distracted so that the villain can use a chair to put his opponent out.

So, the argument is, this should all be ok, since we have referees and umpires who are paid to make the call. But, the question isn’t if the refs are there, it’s should it matter if they are there? Why do some sports have an honor code and others don’t? And what’s the harm?

Well, when I learned that HS football (and basketball to a degree) coaches teach their kids how to do what are illegal moves, and to NOT get caught…I was shocked. The argument? Everyone does it. The refs have to call it for it to have happened. It’s part of the game. My simple argument? Should it be?

What does it do to our sport when we ingrain permission (in fact encourage) players to break the rules?

It teaches our youth some sorry stories. I usually champion the idea of sports teaching great things to our kids. But…if organized sports (you can’t get away with basketball “cheating” in a pickup game!) are teaching our kids to break the rules – as long as you don’t get caught or to lie / distract / deceive the refs – they may not have seen the play and you’ll sway them in your opinion, why would I want my kids involved in this environment?

And where does it stop? You have the leagues stepping in (when the risk is that the league will lose income) with enforceable rules to stop the obvious and logical result of teaching cheating. In basketball, intentional fouls, flagrant fouls, and then finally the Hack-a-Shaq rule. Why should the league have to create rules that hurt the teams chances to win – giving two shots AND the ball? In football, the rules are constantly changing to protect the wide receiver (when in the air) and the quarterback…two of the star positions. Why? Because the cheating taught throughout will get them hurt. That’s why clipping and chop blocks HAD to be enforced. Not because it was illegal (it was) but because people (stars) were getting hurt. In 2009, the teams playing against Favre decided to hit him early and often. Well, even late. A few penalties? That’s ok, if it gets him out of his rhythm and makes him play poorly. So basically, since the penalty for breaking (if caught) the rule wasn’t worse than the expected benefits, the coach puts that into his game plan!
So, if Shaq is killing you underneath – foul him on purpose AND do it hard enough and early enough that he can’t score on the play. So where does it stop?

We’ve seen “hard” fouls during the playoffs. Fouls though that are only a small step away from injurious hits. Why not? We’ve seen it in the past. The bench warmer (enforcer) comes in and lays out the other team’s best player so that he gets gun shy. Even if the refs throw the player out…it was worth it to the coach! So, they went to suspensions and then to fines. Wow. Why would the league's office need to do such things to keep players from purposefully trying to hurt another player?

Because they have accepted the little cheating (from claiming the ball went out off the other player to flopping) and actually made it part of the game.

Just because it’s always been that way (which by the way, it hasn’t ALWAYS been that way), doesn’t mean it should continue. And it definitely doesn’t mean we should be teaching it to our kids!




BTW, I’ve played organized sports as an adult (in the military), and at least in volleyball, I can tell you that I demonstrate integrity…I let the ref know when I’ve touched a ball on its way out of bounds. I let the ref know when I touch the net. I let the ref know when I don’t get the pancake, and the ball hit the floor. I do this no matter the score or situation. I’ve done it when it cost my team a game. Why? Because I want to win because I played better – not because the ref missed a call. No, not all volleyball players do this – but the best do. And I don’t mean “best” as in most talented.

What we can learn from Sports Part II

The arguments made in the comments aside, let’s continue the analogy. How much can we learn from coaching a football (basketball, tennis, volleyball, etc.) team? How much can we follow good coaching principles in sports to make our businesses run better?


To recap:

• Leadership Team: Pick top level coaches based on how they fit the Head Coach’s system and find ones that will work as a team. Ones with expertise in getting the most out of the players.


• Recruiting: Don’t think of it as hiring or filling a position. You’re recruiting based on potential and fit. You’re actively seeking the best fit for your program. Stop hiring and start recruiting.


• Professional Development: Stop expecting ANYONE to stay around for extended periods of time. If you develop them well, they’ll move on to bigger and better things. Assistant coaches will become Head Coaches at other programs; players will become better paid players on other teams or assistant coaches themselves. And that’s a good thing.


• Providing Feedback: The coaches works with the players to assess their play and get better. It’s a never-ending (continuous improvement) cycle.
  

Measures

So, how best to assess? In sports, coaches use tons of measures. They have staff who observe, collect, document, store, and report measures (let’s use basketball). Field Goal %, Three-Point-Field-Goal %, Offensive Rebounds, Defensive Rebounds, Assists, Steals, Fouls, Turnovers, Assist-to-Turnover ratios. All of these can be measured against minutes played. Of course there’s also Points Scored, Points Allowed, Free Throws attempted, Shots attempted, etc. per minute, per period, and per game. There are lot’s more! Imagine if the coach followed businesses’ example on using measures?

LeBron, we’re going to have to reprimand you (not give you a raise) because your numbers are down. Worse, businesses don’t look at ALL the data (too much to collect, too expensive to collect) – instead, they’d measure the players on only one, two, or maybe three “key” measures. AAAUGH!

If you’re only going to judge the players on a subset of the available measures, at least make those measures the higher level ones – GAMES WON!

No, in sports, we not only look at all the measures, we also focus on the areas of expertise. So for the Point Guard we look at Assist-to-Turnover ratio. For the defensive specialist, Steals and Blocks. For our scoring threat – we’ll use measures around scoring efficiency. As a team we’ll look at offensive and defensive efficiency. We’ll even breakdown how well our in-bounds plays work. Our effectiveness in the half-court offense. How effective our defense is.

The players will NOT fear the measures – in fact, they’ll clamor for them. Of course we may have the same issues as some selfish ball players – our staff may want to pad their stats at the detriment of the team. But, those people stand out (to fans and coaches and fellow players) and their behavior can be adjusted or they can be let go.

Heroes and Super Heroes

Yes, sports teams at all levels, like businesses, have to deal with heroes. But in sports, especially team sports, we find that the best players actually make those around them better. They don’t horde information (like not calling out a switch or impending pick on a teammate), and they don’t obtain their self-worth by hoping their teammates don’t get better.

Quickly, even the best players, realize that they have to become coaches on the floor. They get the team Captain emblem and work as hard as the coaches to make the team better. Why? Because regardless of the accolades they get for being the best (scorer, shooter, passer, rebounder, etc.) it pales to being part of the reason the TEAM wins! Even the best players (LeBron included) learn that the real goal is to win as a team.

Ask Michael Jordan, arguably the best there ever was. If he didn’t have teammates who helped him to excel, and the team to win, he’d be an almost-was instead of a superstar. We need to find the “team goal” – the vision for the organization. We need to identify measures of success for the organization. We MUST know how to determine that the “team” has won. And we need to all celebrate (not just the heroes and definitely NOT just the Coaches). Look at who ends up holding the trophy the longest. Who hugs it? Who kisses it? Not the coach.

So, all of this post is based on the ability for businesses to identify team goals for the organization. We have to have a way of winning. We need a “prize” at the end – a trophy to compete for. That reminds me of the Air Force saying, “Officers compete.” We knew in the Air Force that competition was NOT a bad thing. Competition is a good, time-tested, American, incentive for behavior. Guaranteed, every business has a competitive element. Even NFPs compete (with other NFPs and with the things they are trying to overcome – poverty, disease, cruelty, etc.). Pick the business or organization and there is an element of competition. There are goals to achieve and battles to win.

It only requires a little creativity.

And a different viewpoint.

A coach’s viewpoint