Happy Thoughts

Fighting back the inevitable. When you’re young…under 21 for sure, it feels like you’ll live forever. You don’t contemplate death (unless you are clinically depressed – which is a topic I can’t and won’t cover here). No, I’m talking about the invincibility of youth. We lost a 21 year old student the other day to a freak accident and it affected the whole campus. I didn’t know him personally, but I felt a loss. I felt pain. For his family and for him. And, for our University. The needless death of anyone, but especially the young, hurts.

I guess I was different growing up. I always thought I’d die before I reached 18…due to the simple logic that I could not imagine life at or after 18, so therefore I must be going to die before then. What a blur my 20 glorious years in the Air Force are. What a blur most of my life has been. Of course I have instances, moments in time, which are etched with a sharp knife into my memory. Most of those are bad things. Most of those memories are painful. I pray daily that God have mercy on those who are haunted by their past…especially myself. The concept in “Hook” is actually awesome…”you can’t fly Peter because you forgot your happy thoughts.” If you can remember your happy thoughts, you will be young again…you’ll be Peter Pan (instead of Peter Panning).

Peter (Robin Williams) remembers his happy thoughts. The birth of his son. And then the flood gates open. I’m thinking I need to sit and meditate. I need to contemplate my past. I need to find my happy thoughts. I need to find my happy memories if I want to stay young. And Lord knows, I want to stay young. As I approach 50, I realize my mortality all too well. I think that 20 years ago, only 1990, I was in the Air Force, I had two children, life was good. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great today. But, thinking 20 years into the future…I’ll be turning 70! How much can I fit in the next twenty years?

What just came to me though…in the midst of jotting down for you my fears, my anxiety about growing old, about dying…is…it doesn’t matter! My problem isn’t the future. My problem is forgetting my past. Not the painful memories (the wrongs done to me, the wrongs I’ve done) but the “happy thoughts.” What good is living the next 10, 20 or more years to the fullest if I can’t even remember them? Each day I need to spend some time finding my happy thoughts. I need to appreciate my past, my life. The gifts which were given to me.

People. My beautiful children. Lot’s of memories there…not just their birth but their adolescence, their youth, and now their young adulthood. Alyssa’s art, writing, sports and love of movies. Kristopher’s gaming, sports, kindness, and affinity for doing the ridiculous (did you read about Tarzan?). Grace’s super sweet cuteness, the faces she makes, and even at four, her cute voice. Molly, our late addition – all of the trials and tribulations, the unlearning and relearning. Her ability to be kind, considerate, and a big sister. My wife. My family. My friends. People who have helped me. People I’ve helped.

Places. Where we’ve lived. Where we’ve visited. Sites I’ve seen. From Monterey California to New York. From the shores of oceans to the shores of lakes so big it looks like an ocean. Plane flights and car rides. Funerals, parties, weddings, and anniversary celebrations. I’m not as well traveled as others but then again, I’ve never been much for tourism and sight-seeing.

Things. Not material things. No, things I’ve done. Things I’ve accomplished. Winning games, winning matches, winning sports – yup, I am a competitor. Writing a book! Writing another with my daughter. Coaching sports, individuals, and organizations. Teaching. Preaching. Speaking. Helping. Serving. Loving.

A life time is made up of mistakes and happy thoughts. We need to stop occasionally (before it’s too late) and meditate on our happy thoughts. We need to banish the mistakes from our conscience (except to ensure we don’t repeat them). We cannot let our precious moments (time is too valuable – trust me on this one!) be wasted on reliving mistakes. We have to seek out, grasp, and hold tight to those happy thoughts so that like Peter Panning, we can be what we were, we can be what we are meant to be – Peter Pan.